8 NYC Apartment Search Mishaps


Well, I’ve done the impossible.  I put down a deposit on an apartment in New York City (well, Brooklyn).  The great thing about looking for an apartment in New York is that there is no shortage.  I can see apartments and houses from all walks of life and all price ranges.  The bad part? Everything else.  Here are 8 things I encountered while searching for an apartment within the time span of one week:

The roommate requirements

Right off the bat, Craigslist can be so iffy, and people are so strange.  My favorite ad, aside from the ‘Free Rent to Submissive Girl In Need’ ads, was the one for a shit hole room living with a guy who travels a lot. His description of his new potential roommate started with “About You: ~15 minutes in the shower.”  That was his most important quality in the new tenant.  He may as well have said “Man who prefers not to shower,” but whatever.  Good luck, asshat.

The ‘It’s my first week’ realtor

This girl was the sweetest, but she just couldn’t find her keys for the building…or open the door once she found the right key.  I think if you want to make a decent living, start filling rooms for rent in New York – anyone can do it.

First,last and security before you apply

The asshole realtor who said ‘I’m not in the business of processing applications, I’m in the business of filling rooms.”  3 months is a lot of money to put down before I know if I got the room, even for a cheaper room.

7 “bedroom” 1 bath loft KILLER VIEW

Yes, I put bedroom in quotations on purpose.  So, you’re really asking me if I want to put down 3 months’ rent on this shit hole 7 bedroom/1 bath loft that three other guys have already signed onto tonight?  I don’t like the view of the Empire State Building that much.

The two older cuban guys who are probably nice, but no thanks

Yes, this happened.  And they didn’t even pick me for their crappy closet-sized third room.

The girls looking for a new roommate and 15 perfectly normal people show up

This quickly turned into a group interview, something I’ve never excelled at (though I did make it to round two!).  I was reminded that girls are extremely petty, and when I was asked, “What would you do if there was a sink full of dirty dishes that had been sitting for 5 days?” I was out.

The unfinished creepy basement

Are they going to finish the basement by the time someone moves in?  Where does that creepy industrial metal door go – your torture chambers?

The pricing makes no sense at all

“This room is $1100 – sorry about the view of your neighbor’s bathroom, and that huge one over there is $900 because it doesn’t have a window.  This closet-sized one is $1500 because it has its own, hardly usable entrance that you’re never going to use (the fire escape).”



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